There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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