my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
