I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i barfeds in our rink
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
