My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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