Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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