six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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