What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
