Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
