U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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