I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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