dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
