you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
