its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
