Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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