Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
