the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
