I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
