I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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