I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
