just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I deserve this hangover.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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