Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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