Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
