Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
