I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
