Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
