none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
