How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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