Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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