I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
