We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
