If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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