I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
