Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
