you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
