Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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