i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
