can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
