My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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