I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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