You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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