I need help removing her.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
