Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
