wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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