After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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