Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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