I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
