Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
