I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
