i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm always down for nudity.
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