He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
